The Stray Reader

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Author:	Eva Graxton
Genre(s):	➡️ Memoir
Series?	❎ No
Goodreads Rating:	⭐ 4.67 (18 ratings; 9 reviews)
Personal Rating:	⭐ 4.5 / 5 Overall
Trigger Warning(s):	child abuse, sexual abuse, gaslighting, financial abuse

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🛑 Spoiler Warning 🛑

I might be recounting events, characters, and themes so THIS MIGHT BE FULL OF SPOILERS.

If you’d like to read a review with the spoilers hidden, kindly scroll to the bottom to read my spoiler-free review in the ‘Recommendations’ section or head to my Goodreads post. You don’t need an account to read it. 🙂

SYNOPSIS

Eva goes to a therapist to try and fix herself and become a better wife, but what she unravels is her shattered view of her childhood and everything that led up to this point.

Could the father she loved all her life really implanted a twisted perception of all the abuse she suffered through her childhood? Did her husband really love her?

‘Becoming Her’ is Eva’s journey to acknowledge the wailing child that’s always been inside of her. Time to peel away the layers to find and save her.

🌟Review (4.5/5) 🌟

Richard is the therapist we all need.

When Eva’s therapist, Richard, called her father a sociopath she instantly disliked him. Even though his words plant the seeds of new life to Eva’s numbing existence, in their sessions, she would resist. She had an ironclad philosophy from her family – her father, especially – that she was responsible for everything that came her way. Even though this included unwanted attention from older males when she was a child! This is what probably made the first half of this book so emotionally difficult to read for me.

The book written in first person point of view made this book haunting. Her choice of words and way of thinking presented a complex character. She was someone deeply troubled, fully resigned to the perception that everything was her fault so she’s ready to give up, but her principles won’t allow her to. So she was there, in the therapist’s office, hoping that someone can just tell her how to fix everything moving forward because she’s at her wit’s end. That instantly made her relatable in my book.

‘My visit was temporary. I’d been in enough of these offices to know I was hopeless. The article I’d read in the lobby didn’t help matters. My issues certainly resulted from my own volition. Even though I was paying Richard, I felt guilty for wasting his time.’

— Eva Graxton

The majority of my annotations in the first half of the book was just screaming at her to please listen and reject her self-deprecating thoughts. But then came the flashbacks. They gave way to sympathy and understanding. Then the flashbacks got worse, and my irritation shifted to anger to the people around her. The series of flashbacks and sessions would paint a logical picture of how a victim of abuse can be so broken and too paralyzed to get away. And sadly, how that abuse becomes too indistinguishable to the victim when it shifts its face. In Eva’s case, that face formed her father then her husband.

Richard professionally and patiently debunks Eva’s harmful beliefs and I cheer for him every time.

‘You knew that being an adult meant taking responsibility for yourself, but no one taught you where your responsibility ended and others’ began.’

— Richard Jones

His words and homework for Eva were actually really helpful for me too. Have you ever been so conditioned to think that you’re the inconvenience to the people around you? Have you ever felt that the smallest things you say make it seem like you’re making a scene? Have you apologized so many times that the people around you are starting to get irritated? It’s not an exclusive fault and this book can give empathy on both parties. I sincerely think this book can help a lot of people.

The second half of the book, for me, was vindication. I believe my mental note when Richard finally agreed to have Eva’s gaslighting and financially abusive husband in their next session was ‘LET’S GOOOOO! Rip him to shreds, Richard!’

The journey was still rough as the road to Eva’s recovery was as real as any person can attest. Two steps forward, one step back. It acknowledges that change, even for the healthier path, takes upsetting the people around you too. This is most especially true to the people who got so used to the broken version of you. But Eva pursued and took her time. And unlike the other sad stories, I felt extremely proud of her for taking the smart way out of her marriage.

‘This was my Genesis, and this apartment my Garden of Eden. No more focusing on Adam’s-rib part that suggested my purpose as a woman was to serve and please a man.’

— Eva Graxton

Thankfully, the book ends with a well-deserved happy ending on this life’s chapter for Eva. This really restores my faith in humanity.

Recommendation

If you’re in the mood to grab a story that would make you want to introspect a lot prompted by heart-hitting one liners, I think you’ll like this as much as I did so don’t hesitate to grab a copy!

I’m not a fan of nonfiction and I especially try to avoid memoirs because memoirs of celebrities and legends tend to be unrelatable. But ‘Becoming Her’ was excellent at giving raw emotions that radiate realness. These are thoughts and experiences that average people like me have on a regular basis. Eva’s win feels like a win to all of us.

Favorite Quote(s)

“If you leave your car unlocked, is a thief required to steal everything of value, or should they leave your car alone? Does an unlocked door justify a theft?”

— Richard Jones

“You did not choose any of it, but your perception of responsibility has convinced you otherwise. You are not responsible for other people’s actions.”

— Richard Jones

“Not everyone in your life will be willing to grow with you. Some may have good intentions, even if they’re toxic. It’s okay to let things and people go. Sometimes, it’s a necessity. Learn to trust your voice. I’m asking you to lay down that load you’ve been carrying because it was never your responsibility to pick it up.”

— Eva Graxton

“One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.”

— Charles M. Blow

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.”

— Rose Luxemburg

“Through meeting myself, I finally met my soulmate.”

— Eva Graxton

“The things that happened to me never should have happened. I’m not grateful to them or their perpetrators for making me a stronger person or turning me into who I am. They don’t get that credit. I would have been those things anyway.”

— Eva Graxton